captainhornblower | Second Dispatch

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Second Dispatch - [written]

Monday, 16th May, 18

I have recently been given to thought about the [a pause in the writing as he considers his wording] conflict between this place and the [another considerable pause] worlds we come from.

How does one balance the two? I understand some have been away from their ~~proper~~ homes for some time. Surely some of you left behind obligations. How do you reconcile the need to return to them with your presence here? Do you ~~somehow~~ put them out of mind? Do you merely accept you cannot fulfill them until you return? ~~I find the matter trying my conscience sorely.~~

I would appreciate any counsel on the matter.

Hornblower

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[Something about this, Horatio worrying and fussing and blaming himself for every lost soul, causes something to swell in Archie's chest.] You haven't changed.

He didn't trust me. [A pause and a sigh.] I'd given him no reason to.

[Archie knows, and knows Horatio knows, that trust doesn't have to be earned on a ship. It's a necessity. You have to trust your captain knows what's on the other end of his plan, and act accordingly or this mystical outcome will never happen. You have to trust the ratings will reef the sail properly, that the midshipmen are in control of their divisions, because you can't possibly worry about every function on the ship yourself--not when that is the duty of hundreds of men. If trust is betrayed by a superior, there's little to be done about it. If it's betrayed by a junior, said junior is weeded out. But Horatio has always had a vicious double standard when it comes to himself. He can't be God on his own ship. He has to touch every individual man and make him his willing co-worker.]

If you'd been too patient with him, he'd have ended up getting himself killed. Perhaps he simply wasn't a quick enough learner.

He was killed.

[Horatio could not blame himself for that death. He shared part of the blame for the circumstances that led to it, yes, but the blood was on Wolfe's hands and the elder Captain Hammond's hands.]

[...Oh. It doesn't come as a complete surprise, considering all the past tense Horatio had used, but it wasn't entirely predicted.]

If you're looking for someone to tell you you failed him--that you didn't do all you could do--the utter shipwreck you turned into a man isn't going to be of any help.

I should have done more.

[It's just something about Archie. He can't help but smile every so slightly as the smallest trace of humour enters his voice.]

Besides, Mr. Kennedy, you're not supposed to argue with your captain. [A pause as he realizes what he said. Then the quiet correction.] A captain.

No-no, Horatio, you said it right the first time. [You were always my captain, even when you were a midshipman, a lieutenant, a prisoner.]

Edited 2011-05-17 02:59 (UTC)

[He can't help but grin.]

We'd have been unstoppable. [There's nothing I can't do with you by my side.]

[His smile fades quickly. Maybe it's because he's accepted this life more than he ever thought he could, but Horatio speaking as if it's merely what could have been deflates him a bit. After a few rapid blinks, he takes a breath.]

You didn't moor Jack's boat properly.

[Horatio, mind still trying to separate this world from the one he knew, didn't realize how his phrasing might have been taken. He thought for a moment at the words and then shrugged.]

I suppose I didn't.

...In my defence, I did have a book writing back to me and speaking to me. Rather disconcerting.

Yes, a bit. I'll have to tell you how I first came here. But you should apologize to Jack eventually. He did have to chase the damned thing down.

I will. [And he means it.] This town needs a proper dock. Or the boat needs an anchor.

We could build a dock. It would certainly be used. I know a few who are trying to build a boat of their own.

That, my friend, sounds like an excellent idea.

Then it's settled.

...I arrived in a tree, by the by. In the dead of winter. No way down on my own, so I could only pray this book could actually communicate messages the way it claimed.

[He can't help but smirk.]

It had better have been a damned tall tree, Archie. You can't except me to believe that you'll jump off a cliff but not out of a tree.

I don't expect you to believe it, but there's some difference between water and hard ground, Mister Hornblower.

And there's a difference between a cliff and a tree, Mr. Kennedy.

[But now he's wholly teasing.]

I was a good twenty feet in the air, Horatio.

[A smile.]

How did you end up getting down?

Someone had to help me. By that time, I was near frozen and babbling nonsense.

Archie...

[He's trying not to be worried. He's really trying. After all, it happened long enough ago that obviously Archie's fine. But... It's Archie. And it's Horatio.]

[It had been spoken half-laughing, but now Archie's face turns neutral.]

Horatio.

[It's one word, spoken as a paragraph, open and shut. Don't tell me it'll always be like this.]

[The best Horatio can do is offer a small smile, a hand on Archie's shoulder, and a shrug.

I'm always going to worry about you, Archie.

A slight squeeze of that shoulder.

I'll try not to do it too much.]

[A small sigh.

That isn't how it used to be.]

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