captainhornblower | Second Dispatch

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Second Dispatch - [written]

Monday, 16th May, 18

I have recently been given to thought about the [a pause in the writing as he considers his wording] conflict between this place and the [another considerable pause] worlds we come from.

How does one balance the two? I understand some have been away from their ~~proper~~ homes for some time. Surely some of you left behind obligations. How do you reconcile the need to return to them with your presence here? Do you ~~somehow~~ put them out of mind? Do you merely accept you cannot fulfill them until you return? ~~I find the matter trying my conscience sorely.~~

I would appreciate any counsel on the matter.

Hornblower

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I don't expect you to believe it, but there's some difference between water and hard ground, Mister Hornblower.

And there's a difference between a cliff and a tree, Mr. Kennedy.

[But now he's wholly teasing.]

I was a good twenty feet in the air, Horatio.

[A smile.]

How did you end up getting down?

Someone had to help me. By that time, I was near frozen and babbling nonsense.

Archie...

[He's trying not to be worried. He's really trying. After all, it happened long enough ago that obviously Archie's fine. But... It's Archie. And it's Horatio.]

[It had been spoken half-laughing, but now Archie's face turns neutral.]

Horatio.

[It's one word, spoken as a paragraph, open and shut. Don't tell me it'll always be like this.]

[The best Horatio can do is offer a small smile, a hand on Archie's shoulder, and a shrug.

I'm always going to worry about you, Archie.

A slight squeeze of that shoulder.

I'll try not to do it too much.]

[A small sigh.

That isn't how it used to be.]

It will take time, Archie.

[From silent to spoken, and he leans a bit closer, sighing as his hand maintains its grip.]

I couldn't bear to lose you again, my friend.

Nor I you.

[It's so quietly spoken, and feels utterly redundant. They both know this without saying it, but saying it out loud acknowledges to both of them the fear that exists. Fear they have now recognized as something they share.

After a moment, he leans back, the delicate veil of "all is well again" now in shambles around them.]

...W-what was my family told?

[See that look? That guilty look before the glance away?

Yeah. Typical "Horatio probably did something stupid and knows it" look.

His voice, though, is quiet and very serious.]

By whom? The Admiralty Board? The court proceedings and the severity of your injuries that... [he has to clear his throat before he can continue] negated any sentencing.

Horatio.

[Do they think I'm a mutineer? Are they ashamed?]

[A long, slow breath, and Horatio's still staring straight at the wall.]

They were later told the truth. That an accident caused Captain Sawyer to fall. [It had been an accident...] And that... because of your injuries... You were foolishly noble and saved another man from the gallows.

[...Oh, Horatio. Archie lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes in simultaneous relief and frustration.]

What did they do?

Sent me on my way.

[With a strong implication of "You are not welcome here," but he won't talk about that.]

I think it... helped. Knowing what really happened.

[Most of what really happened.

There were, after all, certain details he hadn't admitted.]

[He doesn't raise his head, just lifts a hand to rub his eyes.]

Good God, Horatio. Do you realize what could've happened?

That would have required the Admiralty to admit they'd made a mistake.

[He's trying to make light of it, but his voice indicates he realizes how serious his actions were.]

They aren't keen on doing that.

Even the very rumor of it...

A gamble I had to take, Archie.

...I owed you that much.

It could have ruined you. You didn't owe me that.

Your family deserved to know what you'd done. I couldn't bear them thinking you'd...

And it wouldn't have done to write them.

No. It wouldn't.

...

Thank you.

I wish I'd gotten to meet them under better circumstances.

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