[luceti] - Appointments

[captainhornblower]

Messages and meetings for Cpt. Horatio Hornblower.


(Please title and date as appropriate.)

Comments

[simplestgift]

So am I. I could actually be your lieutenant were it the case.

[And he'd feel better about his chances.]

Though if there's to be sacrificing, I'd just as soon you stayed.

[captainhornblower]

You're a damn good soldier, Archie. You'll be fine.

Use your head, and you'll be fine.

[The words are empty-- repeated platitudes rather than real advice. He has full faith in Archie's skills, of course, but he has no idea beyond the vague details written in that Guide about the enemy.

But there's a strength and warmth behind the next statement.]

I'll be waiting.

[simplestgift]

[This has always been one of their most prominent differences--Archie doesn't buy in to false hope or even optimism as a rule. If things look bad at the beginning, they'll be even worse by the end.]

You know it'll be a week. If I'm killed, it'll be right round a week before I come back.

[This feels too familiar.]

[captainhornblower]

That won't happen.

[That can't happen.

But this is war. He knows too much about war. Has seen too many men die.]

Damn it.

[simplestgift]

Horatio...

[It can happen. It will happen to many, this time. We're being sacrificed, the lot of us. This is Muzillac all over again.]

[captainhornblower]

[He looks over again, wetting his lips as he swallows hard.

When he speaks, the words barely come out.]

You have to come back, Archie.

I need you to come back.

[simplestgift]

[Kennedy's fingers curl over his knees. He knows the odds are bad. He knows he lacks the superpowers many here have to keep themselves alive. Not to mention battle, battle was how he died, battle is the reason he can never go home, battle has disillusioned him from thinking himself invincible, to the point where he is certain he's more a meat sock than anything else. But when he meets Horatio's eyes, the odds--and past experience--aren't the only factor anymore.

Because he really, truly, has a reason to fight to get back here alive. He can't see this man shatter in front of him again.]

Then you have nothing to worry about, Horatio.

[captainhornblower]

My God, Archie.

Not again. Not now.

[But if Archie says he's coming back, he's coming back.

Unless something happens.

And in battle, that's all too possible. Horatio is aware that every man who survives a battle survives it based more on luck than any real skill. The best duellist or the best shot can be struck down by a falling tackle or yardarm or unseen foe as easily an incompetent.

Victory may be skill, but survival is luck.

Horatio reaches over and grips Archie's shoulder firmly, as if he had no plans of letting go.]

Whatever happens, Archie... I'll be waiting. If you don't come back... I'll find you.

[Even if the worst happens. I won't stop until I find you.]

[simplestgift]

[Archie is trying very, very hard to keep a determined expression. His poker face is not impressive, and Horatio can see right through it. He knows, and has known for years, that he wasn't really built for this.]

I'll come back. There won't be any stopping me.

[This won't be like the Renown.]

[captainhornblower]

I'm going to hold you to that, you know.

[Not that there's much that he can do to the man if Archie doesn't come back.

But he can at least say it.]

[simplestgift]

I know.

[He gives a quiet look that says, I don't want to die again.

He has not always felt this way.]

[captainhornblower]

We'll have another bottle of brandy when you come back. Another get-together, perhaps.

[Just come back. I won't survive if you don't.

He'll just lean to the side a bit, closer to Archie, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze.

There's nothing I wouldn't give to go with you.]

[simplestgift]

[He bows his head and swallows. I know. I never amounted to much without you.]

You can slaughter me at Whist all you like when I come back.

[captainhornblower]

Next time, we do it together.

[Whist. Battle. It's all the same. It should be done together.]

[simplestgift]

[Yeah, wait till he finds out about your revolution, Horatio. Then we'll start talking hypocrisy.]

We won't have a choice.

[captainhornblower]

[He's going to tell you, Archie! ...Eventually. He just has to figure out how.]

And we won't give them a choice.

[simplestgift]

[He shakes his head softly.]

You haven't changed.

[Except you have, and I can't put my finger on it.]

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio has to sigh a bit, and his grip on Archie's shoulder loosens, though his hand does not fully fall away.]

I wish that were true.

[simplestgift]

[Archie stills and watches him. Waiting.]

[captainhornblower]

[This has never been a tactic he's used with Archie before. Ever. But it comes out now.]

It doesn't matter.

[Evasion.]

[simplestgift]

[You're forgetting, Horatio: you have used it. You still haven't told him what you would say at the court-martial, although he has always suspected in spite of what he has told others.

But as always, there is a difference between wanting to know and needing to know. As much as it hurts, Kennedy will respect that difference. They are long past the point of needing to know everything about each other.

All the same, he would like to know something.]

No. I suppose it doesn't.

[captainhornblower]

[He looked straight ahead.

If he couldn't tell Archie... He couldn't tell anyone.

Granted, there were things he could never tell Archie. Things he'd take with him to his grave. Things that Archie might-- surely did know-- but would never hear said. After all, what was there that Archie didn't know? At least before his death.

And then it comes out, very quietly.]

I used to think I was a good man. Or close to one, at least.

[simplestgift]

You are a good man. [Nothing, absolutely nothing, will convince Archie otherwise.]

[captainhornblower]

I doubted it... after the Renown.

[A pause. That doesn't need to be discussed again. They're run that circle enough for now.

Instead, he continues.]

After the Peace, I knew I wasn't.

[He's taking his time about it... but he's getting at something.]

[simplestgift]

Horatio...

[A slight shake of his head. You saved me. Not just my life. You saved me.]