[luceti] - Appointments

[captainhornblower]

Messages and meetings for Cpt. Horatio Hornblower.


(Please title and date as appropriate.)

Comments

[simplestgift]

[For a long moment, Archie is speechless. A long, impossible moment. He looks like he might weep at any second, eyes moist but not tearing just yet.

Horatio wrote to him.

His throat is tight, his voice low, when he finally speaks.]

We have both done our duty for England, Horatio. Can we not have this time together, with a measure of peace? Just this time. England will have you back without even knowing you were gone. Just this time without wishing yourself back in that place. Without any...[He chokes a little.] Without fear of what awaits.

[Then, softer, near a whisper.]

Please.

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio chuckles, but it's a desperate, dry, harsh sound. There is nothing funny, but he has to laugh. Because if he does not force that strange laughter, the tears in his eyes will fall, and he cannot bear that.

But he does put his hand behind Archie's head and leans his forehead against his friend's.]

You're going to war, Archie, and I will not be by your side-- where I belong.

I am going to be frightened every second of every day until you come back.

But once you come back-- you have to come back, Archie. There won't be another word about England, I swear it. Not another word.

[simplestgift]

[His eyes close against the sting, and he bows his head further, breaking contact.]

That isn't what I asked of you, Horatio.

[A little hesitation.]

When I come back. Don't be afraid of what comes after. Whether you're here a day or ten years, you're here now.

[The same is true of me.]

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio sighs and nods a slight bit.]

I promise.

[simplestgift]

Horatio. When you give your word, I know you will keep it. If you give it to me now, don't start a habit of breaking it.

[captainhornblower]

[A pause, and Horatio bows his head in acknowledgement.]

I'm going to be afraid, and I'm going to worry. About you. About the future here. About going back.

But I won't let those thoughts rule me. I will not let myself fall too far into them.

And damned if I'm not going to be grateful for every second I get with you.

[simplestgift]

[There. That is honesty.]

Thank you. I won't ask a thing more, Horatio. I couldn't expect it if I did.

[captainhornblower]

I'd give you more if I could.

[But he knows himself better. Just as Archie knows him better.]

But I can swear to that.

[simplestgift]

I know you can. It takes time. To...to not think constantly about whether it'll be this heartbeat or the next. Eventually you'll be so sick of the fear you'll stop being afraid.