Seventh Dispatch - [voice]/[action]

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio Hornblower's voice is very calm, very quiet. It sounds... not even curious. He is almost stating a fact, rather than asking a question.]

Lieutenant Bush's things are gone.

Why? What is the meaning of this?

[His housemates... will find him in his own room now, seated at his desk, the journal lying open in front of him-- if they dare disturb.]

Comments

[action]

[simplestgift]

[William had been Archie's friend. A good drinking partner, a trusted man, and it had been good to pick up the budding relationship where it had left off. But to Horatio, he had been a lieutenant, a companion, and if he had done what Archie had charged him to to, a guardian.

You must look after him, he had said to him while dying. Bush had agreed. Now for three years, Bush had worn Archie's shoes as best as he could. To lose William was to lose a rock.]

Horatio...

[He stepped in and closed the door. There was no urge to speak. They had reached the point where they did not have to speak at all years ago, and sometimes the keenest comfort was in companionable silence.]

[action]

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio's eyes settled back on the discolouration. He drew in a thin breath, let it out, took another. And then--]

Is this because they took him? Have they done something more?

[He had to know, and Archie would tell him.

If this was because they'd taken him... If this could have been prevented... If he'd just been here rather than out pacing in the rain on that bridge...

He had to know, and Archie would tell him.]

[simplestgift]

[Archie sighs softly.] Sometimes...people disappear. They can at any time, why not during a kidnapping?

[captainhornblower]

At any time.

[The words are a comfort for the present situation, but they bring a new thought to mind, and Horatio looks at his friend again. It's subtle, but something in his voice wavers when he speaks again.]

At any time? Anyone?

[simplestgift]

Horatio. [The name is scarcely even a whisper, but he does not look away from his captain's face. He walks slowly to the bed and sits on it, still looking straight at him.]

I thought you knew.

[captainhornblower]

I'd heard.

[But facing the full reality of it is a different matter, having to truly understand what it means, what could happen.]

Damn it.

[simplestgift]

Don't think about it, Horatio. It isn't worth it.

[captainhornblower]

Don't think about it? How in God's name am I supposed to do that? [His voice has risen, but out of frustration at his own inability to do a thing that can change the situation or have bearing on the threat of further losing his friends, not out of anger at Archie.

He checks himself and hangs his head.] Forgive me.

[simplestgift]

[He brushes the request off with a slight shake of his head.] Because it isn't happening now. This very moment, I am here. And if I can live with that, then you can live with it.

[The words are spoken so, so gently.]

[captainhornblower]

And nothing can be done.

[It isn't a question. He knows it. He knows it from Archie's tone and his look. If someone vanishes, there is nothing to be done.

Not for William... Not if it happens to Archie...]

Thank you. [Strange words, but they make sense in his head, sneaking out amongst all the things not said.

Thank you for being here. I could not bear a loss like this alone. Not again.]

[simplestgift]

And thank you. For being here as well. There are many things I cannot bear without you.]

[captainhornblower]

There is never any warning? [No chance to say goodbye?]

[simplestgift]

None that I've heard of. Buffy said she walked out of a room for half an hour, and when she came back, her friend was gone. Some people write letters, in case it happens. I got one from a friend, not too long ago.

[He stops, and cannot continue this babble. It's finally hit home for Horatio, and that's a scary thing, scary because he knows the panic that comes with it himself. Wondering if it would be this heartbeat or the next, just like on his deathbed.]

[captainhornblower]

Letters.

[The word catches his ear more than anything else, because it is the only word he can bear to think on. His laugh is somewhat weak, somewhat unsteady, but it is not wholly divorced from himself, not any kind of break toward madness.]

Letters...

Indeed.

[simplestgift]

Horatio. [Yes, he has written you a letter. He writes updated ones, too. You'll never find where it's hidden, hopefully, not until you're meant to.]

[captainhornblower]

[He shakes his head slightly.]

It seems appropriate.

[And a habit he might take up out of comfort. It helped once, to some degree at least.]

[simplestgift]

[A beat.] Back home. You knew anyone you knew could die at any moment. You didn't spend all your time thinking on it then, did you?

[captainhornblower]

[A pause.]

No.

But I-- [He catches himself. Archie has said it before. He sees himself as his lieutenant. And a lieutenant needs a captain on whom he can rely, a man who can hold himself tall, who can command. Not one who worries and doubts.]

No. You're quite right, Archie.

[simplestgift]

[Horatio gets the most unconvinced look in the universe. But it's also a worried look. He's also Horatio's best friend, not only his lieutenant.]

You don't have to believe me now. But it's not much different. Right now, we're both here. That's all that matters. Otherwise we'll drive ourselves mad.

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio nods, his shoulders dipping for a moment, the weight of his thoughts pulling them down.

I've walked that line before.

But he forces himself to shrug and sit up straighter before he looks at Archie again.]

I-- I'm sorry, Archie. Carrying on this way.

[simplestgift]

[He just keeps watching, as if he doesn't know why Horatio is apologizing. After a moment, he gives a tight pseudo-smile.]

It's just us, Horatio.

[captainhornblower]

[There are so many things to say, all of them on the tip of his tongue yet held back by years of being the solitary captain. He had not confided in William Bush as he had Archie Kennedy.

He had learned to smother strong indications of emotion, to check himself at every sentence. While sometimes talk with Archie flowed as easily as if they'd never parted, sometimes he felt the years that had by.

Finally, he managed something close to a smile and nodded.]

It is.

[simplestgift]

[Sometimes Archie forgets that, to Horatio, they were separated much longer than four months. Four impossibly long months, during which Archie had despaired of seeing his friend again. Now that Horatio is here, the days have flown by. Had the years crawled back home when Horatio was alone?]

He might come back. Jack went home for a week, remember.

[captainhornblower]

[Horatio nods slowly.]

And... he is home. That is a comfort.

[A small comfort, as he'd rather William with him, but at least the man was in one place that he belonged, and Horatio could assure himself that being back in the British Navy was better than having to know that his friend was dead.

He'd survived that once. Doing so again would not be as easy.

Though, either way... At least he had someone. Someone who would tolerate his moods, be firm when necessary but gentle when permissible. He was not alone, as he had been on Retribution. He had Archie.

Even that made it easier to bear.]

[simplestgift]

He's home on the Hotspur. And we with one less hand to build our sloop.

[He's trying to make light of it, and direct Horatio's thoughts forward. He'll miss William's simple wisdom and easy companionship. Having him here made this place feel a little more like home.

At least he'd been able to see him again, and know they could have been real friends.]