Fourteenth Dispatch - [written]

[captainhornblower]

[He's been here a year now.

An entire year.

And it doesn't feel any more like home than it did the day he arrived. If anything, his obligations feel even sharper than they did then. Because he has been away from them. Even if no one would know he'd been gone, he knew.]

Person or thing, either way--

What would you most like to see here?

Hornblower

Comments

[ written ]

[herotypical]

...Fair enough.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I can only hope for that.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

From what Archie's told me, you'll have plenty of stories to share with him or her. Growing up.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I'm not much of a story-teller, I'm afraid.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

You're gonna have to learn, Captain Dad. Or else settle for doing the voices while reading stories from a book.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I'm afraid I won't be around much.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

...What a shame. Sorry to read that.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

Perhaps it will be a shorter war than I am anticipating.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

...Have you checked the history books?

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I haven't yet.

[And he's not sure he wants to.]

[ written ]

[herotypical]

Just...[ tap tap tap.

should she even say it? ] I hope you get to be there for him or her. Someday. It's -- important. Dads are important.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

[That answer does not bode well.]

I hope so, too.

If not, I hope my son or daughter is at least able to understand why I do what I must.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

I guess your reason's better than -- oh, I don't know -- having an affair with a secretary and running when wife and kids need you most.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I want this world to be better for them.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

...It's a pretty brave way of thinking.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

Or a good sounding excuse.

[Because he's poor at taking a compliment. Plus, he's not sure even he believes what he said.]

[ written ]

[herotypical]

Hold onto that guilt. If you're away from your family and not feeling it? Then you have a problem.

[ daddy issues. she has one or two. ]

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

[Guilt. He had plenty of guilt.

Yet, he knew he would far prefer to be at sea than on land.

Part of him hoped for a son who could follow him to sea, but he would not make Maria endure that worry. Perhaps his son would follow his father's profession...]

I regret every moment I spend away from my Maria, and I will feel the separation all the more keenly when there is a child.

But I have duty to my king and country.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

Duty. Yep. I'm familiar with that one. Doesn't leave a lot of room for family-building.

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

It doesn't.

[A more honest man would have told Maria that, would have been unable to make her endure marriage to a husband rarely present.

But he had been unable to break her heart, and his vows bound him now, tried constantly to war with his duty.]

And yet, we have little else, so we must take pride in our duty.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

Does it...help? Knowing you've picked it? Chosen it?

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

[It takes a long time to answer.]

Sometimes.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

And other times?

[ written ]

[captainhornblower]

I made my choice at seventeen. Twenty years service before I can change my mind, and it gets in the blood, in a way. I don't think it will be a choice when the time comes to decide whether I retire or continue.

There is nothing else I can think to do.

[ written ]

[herotypical]

[ again, she knows the feeling. ]

I'm guessing plenty don't retire?