[Guilt. He had plenty of guilt.

Yet, he knew he would far prefer to be at sea than on land.

Part of him hoped for a son who could follow him to sea, but he would not make Maria endure that worry. Perhaps his son would follow his father's profession...]

I regret every moment I spend away from my Maria, and I will feel the separation all the more keenly when there is a child.

But I have duty to my king and country.